Anxiety

Quite unlike the dew that forms
Concentric spheres upon the
Dimly lit leaves of grass
In the early morning,

I lie here flat and dull
Upon the bright white
Floor of the hospital
Room where I was just born

Brought into a world without
As much as a letter of application
Or any questionnaires
Or psychological evaluations.

Added to the motley crowd that is
This earth, so ragged and misplaced
Clumped in unsightly balls
Of fleshy and scaly wax.

Lying naked on this cold
Floor barely able to move
My muscles or inflate my
Newly developed lungs to breathe my

First breath of air from this
Clean and dry place
That I have never before the likes
Of seen so incredibly bright

My eyes will not even let me
Gain one peek they stay shut so tightly
That any effort I shall put into them
Will be wasted more than anything

Has ever been wasted before in this
Place I’m sure of that I know for certain
How that will be I do rambling now
I feel that I should not have come

I know that the gifts I would have offered
Here to this place are being squandered now
As the air I breathe gets thick with disease and
My health drifts slowly away as my lungs

Clench tightly shut and the blood
Going to my brain is now a dull blue
With no life giving oxygen to the cells
That breathe for me in my head where thought

And logic occur and I can think my thoughts and decide what to say and how I will say it and how it will look on this page racing now faster and faster I can’t stop to break apart the thoughts into words that would help me to tell you why I’m here and how and what I’ll be somedaylater when I kknow just how life should be for us in this place where you brought me and nnnnnoww have lfet me here in the cold alone so bright I’m blinded by the energy here without you to proctect me I ccan’t breathe without you its so bright SO BRIGHT the light wont’ go away and my eyes were never open and are still shut my head throbs with pain I have never felt I cant breathe here anymore you wont’ rescue me from this place why did you bring me out into this world to leave mehere alone in this place its so cold and so bright and so much to take in all at once without you here to hold my hand and hurts it hurts so much to be here without you. Let me back into the warmth now let me feel warm inside you where I belong you wont let me back in to where I want to go and it hurts me so much let me in let me in and I will be good I promise you won’t let me back in so I won’t have to see what they’re tying to show me.

Pull me back into the dark
So I can be with you
And things will make sense again
And I can feel safe.

And the light will go away
And I can come back to where I once
Was before I broke free
From the shackles that held me so tightly

To the life I loved so dearly where I was the
Only one I had to answer to and being alone
Was ok because I was all I needed
And I want you still but not in a way that makes

Me whole apart from who I am
I know what I am there regardless of
How you let me be with you or how
We can be something together

But I don’t want to remain here
Where I have to answer to someone
Above about how I’m not fulfilling my
Duties anymore without someone like you in

My life, and I wish I knew
Who you were and where I could
Find you that maybe once we met
We could be that way together

And the loneliness I feel here in this
Place would go away and I could
Feel whole again and all of this

Torment and lost will to live and lack of desire for things to come and lack of necessity to get things done and the inability to feel love for anything or anyone or whatever you might call it that people want but can’t quite have because it won’t appear for them right at the right moment when they really want it enough to pursue it. All of those things that drive us to be what we are not. Those things that make us do what we think we must. All of those things, maybe If I could find you someplace here and just take your hand and get out of this place. Maybe you and I together. We. We could make all of this go away. We could make all of this

Stop.